Perspective

It is so sad that we do not live every moment of every day counting our blessings and BEING THANKFUL.

Last night I went to sleep thinking about my brother Louis Peyton and my nephew Luke Peyton who we lost several years ago. Now that I am older and have my own children the pain of their loss becomes more and more real. I don't know how to grieve, or how grief happens, but it feels like the fuller my life becomes the deeper my sadness grows that they are not here to share it with me. My husband and my brother would be having a great time together- I know Lou is really happy that I married Tyler.

Why do I lose perspective? I know real pain and loss- all of us do in one way or another.

Tucker woke up at 3 this morning. I went in to check on him but did not let him see me. I let him soothe himself back to sleep and went back to bed. He woke up again at 5 but that time I could tell that there would be no self soothing so I got up again and went to his room to rock and feed him. When I laid him back down in his bed it seemed like he would just go back to sleep but he did not. I laid in my bed listening to him in one ear on the monitor and Tyler snoring in the other ear. I was upset. As the crying and snoring got louder I jumped out of bed and said, "I give up!" I acted like the biggest baby after that making a bunch of racket and went to get Tucker.

I got on facebook while I was feeding him and went to a family friend's page to get the link to her husband's caring bridge site. I had been wanting to sit and read it but had not made the time to do so. She is JaNan Davis and her husband's name is John. John went to the doctor at the beginning of June pretty certain that he was suffering from pretty serious anemia but it was quickly discovered that he has an "aggressive" cancerous mass in his stomach. JaNan wrote that John said that it seemed like they had been more "married" in the last few weeks that they had in their 15 years together. JaNan posts updates about John's treatments and thoughts on their battle along with scripture that gets her through a particular day or moment. Please take a moment and pray for the Davis family. They have 3 precious girls and a lot to fight for.

I am so thankful that I stopped to look at that page this morning. WHO CARES if I only got 5 hours of sleep one night. I actually said to Tyler that the day was ruined. I am SO ashamed of myself. Tyler is off work this week, we are going to the lake today with my 2 beautiful healthy kids and I will be fine. I can and will be nice and have fun on this beautiful day. I got up early to feed my precious boy this morning. JaNan and John got up early this morning to begin another round of chemo.