It was a great week!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Catch up- the week in photos!
At this moment Madeline and I are sitting on the couch together watching Babar. She is eating do-nuts and I am drinking coffee. She is in her favorite nightgown and will probably stay in it for as long as I let her. She loves to have time in the mornings to do nothing. I do too. Here are some photos from our busy (good) week.
It was a great week!
It was a great week!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Funnies
I need to make sure I document this here...
When we were at the lake for our vacation Madeline started this thing where she would introduce our family to people at the lodge and she would say that she was "born of her Mommy and Daddy, Tyler and Allison." I don't question where she comes up with this stuff...I just smile and nod.
When we got back she got a serious face one night and said she had a weird question to ask me. She wanted to know if she was really "born of" Tyler and I or if she had been "born of a King and Queen." I told her that she was ours and she asked how she could be a princess if she was "born of commoners."
I had to think quick so I told her the truth- that she was not born a princess but that I believed that some princess were princesses because they were princesses in their hearts. I explained that she was smart, kind, brave, gracious, and all of the things that a princess is supposed to be so she was a princess in her heart. A true princess. Please understand that she has ALWAYS introduced herself as "Princess Madeline" and I was not about to let that stop. She seems happy with that explanation. When we went to her school's open house I pointed out the Superintendent to her and she went right up to him, curtsied, and introduced herself to him as Princess Madeline.
And, as a side note, while Princess Madeline is at school guess what I discovered about Tucker?! He can TALK! A LOT! He makes very full intelligent sentences and we have nice conversations with one another. Our dear friend Emily helped me with Tucker the other day and she had no idea he could talk. She said they had such a great time together playing trains and talking! Emily is one of Madeline's very favorite people and Emily gives her so much time and attention when she comes. Tucker LOVED having Emily all to himself.
Madeline is doing great this week at kindergarten. When she's happy I'm happy. I volunteered at the school office Tuesday. I think every parent should have to spend at least an hour in the office. It helped me so much. I saw that the school secretary knows every single person that walks through that door. And every person she does not know had better be prepared to fully explain why they are there and leave their keys with her if she asks for them. I learned that she knows every single student there and the names of their parents. I know that I made muffins and that she took one at 9:30 and did not get a chance to eat it until 1 when I was leaving. I am going to help Madeline's teacher tomorrow morning.
One last funny about Madeline...when I told her about her Daddy's new job and how proud I am of him she asked if his new job meant we weren't commoners anymore. She wanted to know if we would be able to buy her more toys. The answer was NO.
OH, and I want to tell on myself about something. I am 34 years old and for all of my years I never understood why people used the "spare the rod, spoil the child" verse when defending the use of corporal punishment. I have ALWAYS interpreted that as a suggestion, not a warning. A suggestion that one SHOULD spare the rod and INSTEAD spoil their child. Oops.
When we were at the lake for our vacation Madeline started this thing where she would introduce our family to people at the lodge and she would say that she was "born of her Mommy and Daddy, Tyler and Allison." I don't question where she comes up with this stuff...I just smile and nod.
When we got back she got a serious face one night and said she had a weird question to ask me. She wanted to know if she was really "born of" Tyler and I or if she had been "born of a King and Queen." I told her that she was ours and she asked how she could be a princess if she was "born of commoners."
I had to think quick so I told her the truth- that she was not born a princess but that I believed that some princess were princesses because they were princesses in their hearts. I explained that she was smart, kind, brave, gracious, and all of the things that a princess is supposed to be so she was a princess in her heart. A true princess. Please understand that she has ALWAYS introduced herself as "Princess Madeline" and I was not about to let that stop. She seems happy with that explanation. When we went to her school's open house I pointed out the Superintendent to her and she went right up to him, curtsied, and introduced herself to him as Princess Madeline.
And, as a side note, while Princess Madeline is at school guess what I discovered about Tucker?! He can TALK! A LOT! He makes very full intelligent sentences and we have nice conversations with one another. Our dear friend Emily helped me with Tucker the other day and she had no idea he could talk. She said they had such a great time together playing trains and talking! Emily is one of Madeline's very favorite people and Emily gives her so much time and attention when she comes. Tucker LOVED having Emily all to himself.
Madeline is doing great this week at kindergarten. When she's happy I'm happy. I volunteered at the school office Tuesday. I think every parent should have to spend at least an hour in the office. It helped me so much. I saw that the school secretary knows every single person that walks through that door. And every person she does not know had better be prepared to fully explain why they are there and leave their keys with her if she asks for them. I learned that she knows every single student there and the names of their parents. I know that I made muffins and that she took one at 9:30 and did not get a chance to eat it until 1 when I was leaving. I am going to help Madeline's teacher tomorrow morning.
One last funny about Madeline...when I told her about her Daddy's new job and how proud I am of him she asked if his new job meant we weren't commoners anymore. She wanted to know if we would be able to buy her more toys. The answer was NO.
OH, and I want to tell on myself about something. I am 34 years old and for all of my years I never understood why people used the "spare the rod, spoil the child" verse when defending the use of corporal punishment. I have ALWAYS interpreted that as a suggestion, not a warning. A suggestion that one SHOULD spare the rod and INSTEAD spoil their child. Oops.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The good and the bad
I've been accused of not having proper perspective this week so here's the good...
I have a daughter. A healthy beautiful bright daughter who can attend a school with new facilities and lots of community involvement and support. Madeline has a great kindergarten teacher who is currently on maternity leave but she seems to be transitioning well with the substitute who will be there for a couple more (fingers crossed) weeks until her teacher comes back.
We've had a pretty good weekend. Madeline was happy when I picked her up Friday. She slept over at my Mom and Dad's Saturday night and today we spent the day painting, drawing, snuggling, watching our favorite shows, and Madeline got to see our "church friends" tonight and wear her favorite new dress up dress which was a gift from a sweet cousin.
She seems fine about going to school tomorrow but she and I both look forward to the weekends. I've gone from spending almost all of my time with her to spending very little time with her during the week and we are both having a hard time adjusting.
Monday was good. Tuesday was good. Wednesday was hard. I think it was Thursday...
She evidently pushed her friend in line in front of her when they were going back to their building from lunch. She said that there was a little girl screaming behind her to go and that they get in trouble for having "gaps" in their lines so she pushed her little friend. Her friend fell down and Madeline told her she was sorry. It makes me so sad. We had a long talk Friday night about bullying and keeping our hands to ourselves- no matter what. And that teachers are there to help in situations like that. That she should not try and make someone do anything herself- especially not by force.
When she met me outside after school that same day the first thing she told me she had had to "move her star." They all start out the day with their name stars on a green ribbon and if they have bad behavior they have to move their stars down to the other colors of ribbon with the last resulting to a trip to the Principal's office. I asked her what happened and she said she had gotten in trouble for stomping but that she, "didn't do that" so I asked her teacher. Her teacher told me that a teacher on the second floor said that she had to ask Madeline several times to stay in line with her class and not to make noise in the hall (stomping). She said that Madeline "made a face" at her when she was reprimanded.
Madeline's teacher said that she thought the teacher was being hard on Madeline but that she had to move Madeline's star because the teacher had asked what disciplinary action she had taken. Madeline has NEVER gotten in trouble in school. She was so distraught over it. She cried and told me over and over that she promised she had not done those things. I told her that she needed to be sure and tell me the truth because everyone makes mistakes sometimes and that I wasn't mad at her but that I needed to know the truth. Let me just say this: Madeline has had a hard time adjusting. She is in a totally foreign environment with 2 different teachers and NOTHING in her little life is the same as it was a week ago. If she was the kind of kid who felt comfortable making a sassy face at a stranger in a new environment...to an adult...I would have known it before now. That is a serious accusation and I think that a kid that would do that on the fourth day of school would have some other big time behavioral issues going on.
Madeline does some socially awkward things. She makes strange faces when she is talked to sternly or in trouble. Like a surprised face but a silly surprised face. I knew this was what happened. So Thursday morning we went to talk to the teacher. I started out doing the best I could muster, "I'm so so sorry if Madeline misbehaved in the hall and we will work on that. And I am sorry if you thought she made a sassy face." I couldn't say (in front of Madeline) she makes an awkward face when she is in trouble. I hoped that me telling the teacher over and over what an affect this had had on Madeline and telling her that Madeline had never been in trouble at school before would make the teacher ease up a bit. But it didn't. She demonstrated the face (it was the exact face I knew it would be) and insisted that she was not incorrect and that other teachers had witnessed it too. Unbelievable. Madeline was so sad standing there listening to her and finally said, "I'm a sweet girl, I wouldn't do that, I'm a princess." SHE'S FIVE. SHE'S SCARED. I just rushed out with Madeline insisting to the teacher that she would work on the straight line thing (how ironic) and got Madeline to her seat before the pledge because she didn't want to get in trouble for missing it.
I came home sobbing (again) and called the principal to explain that I didn't mean any disrespect but that I was certain the teacher had just misunderstood Madeline's gesture. I didn't get the principal so I talked to the secretary and asked her to have the principal call me, that I was really distressed by the conversation and lo and behold I was told that I was wrong for taking Madeline with me by the secretary and I never heard from the principal. This is the second time I have attempted communication with her and gotten no response.
I wanted Madeline to see that if she felt wrongly accused of something that it was NOT okay for her to argue with a teacher but that I would always believe her as long as she told me the truth. I felt like that was a very important lesson for her to learn.
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to feel. I have looked into Montessori schools, home schooling, and searched every blog on every blog of all of my friend's blogs trying to find answers, hope, comfort, anything. I came across a blog listed on my friend's blog that had a title that sounded like it might be about kindergarten. The little girl was smiling in one picture. Her principal was hugging her in the next. Then the assistant principal. Then a picture of her hugging her music teacher. And a picture of her smiling and putting up her backpack with a friend she had made at an ice cream social in the summer where she met all of her teachers. The mom said that the first day of school the older students in high school had greeted the little ones as they walked into school with welcome signs and cheers. I lost it. I told Tyler that that is what I had hoped for Madeline...for her to feel welcomed and like she mattered. I just need to see SOMEBODY be kind to my baby. I need SOMEONE to assure me that she is taken care of. I need someone to tell me that they see how bright and kind she is. I cannot sit back and watch her little heart be sad or her spirit be crushed. I know she is not perfect. I KNOW she is not perfect. I don't think she is a princess above having to behave. I tell her every morning that the two most important things to me are that she treat others the way she would want to be treated and that she be sweet and kind.
Please do not post any negative or judgemental comments. I am doing the best I can. I am trying to be positive and I am trying to get used to this. It just seems unnatural. Every part of me is crying out to have her here with me. Back home where I know how she learns best. Where I know her uncomfortable faces. Where I know that someone will correct her with kindness and compassion explaining life's lessons to her with great care so that she will understand and not just obey.
Here are my hopes for this week: That the "keep our hands to ourselves, respect personal space, and do not get in any one's face to talk" conversations have sunk in. I hope that she has FUN. I hope that she stays in a straight line when she is at school. I hope she learns something new. And I hope I get some kind of communication this week from the school because asking me to accept NO communication, no updates, no schedule, no calender or weekly plan is asking too much of me. That's just the kind of Mom I am.
I have a daughter. A healthy beautiful bright daughter who can attend a school with new facilities and lots of community involvement and support. Madeline has a great kindergarten teacher who is currently on maternity leave but she seems to be transitioning well with the substitute who will be there for a couple more (fingers crossed) weeks until her teacher comes back.
We've had a pretty good weekend. Madeline was happy when I picked her up Friday. She slept over at my Mom and Dad's Saturday night and today we spent the day painting, drawing, snuggling, watching our favorite shows, and Madeline got to see our "church friends" tonight and wear her favorite new dress up dress which was a gift from a sweet cousin.
She seems fine about going to school tomorrow but she and I both look forward to the weekends. I've gone from spending almost all of my time with her to spending very little time with her during the week and we are both having a hard time adjusting.
Monday was good. Tuesday was good. Wednesday was hard. I think it was Thursday...
She evidently pushed her friend in line in front of her when they were going back to their building from lunch. She said that there was a little girl screaming behind her to go and that they get in trouble for having "gaps" in their lines so she pushed her little friend. Her friend fell down and Madeline told her she was sorry. It makes me so sad. We had a long talk Friday night about bullying and keeping our hands to ourselves- no matter what. And that teachers are there to help in situations like that. That she should not try and make someone do anything herself- especially not by force.
When she met me outside after school that same day the first thing she told me she had had to "move her star." They all start out the day with their name stars on a green ribbon and if they have bad behavior they have to move their stars down to the other colors of ribbon with the last resulting to a trip to the Principal's office. I asked her what happened and she said she had gotten in trouble for stomping but that she, "didn't do that" so I asked her teacher. Her teacher told me that a teacher on the second floor said that she had to ask Madeline several times to stay in line with her class and not to make noise in the hall (stomping). She said that Madeline "made a face" at her when she was reprimanded.
Madeline's teacher said that she thought the teacher was being hard on Madeline but that she had to move Madeline's star because the teacher had asked what disciplinary action she had taken. Madeline has NEVER gotten in trouble in school. She was so distraught over it. She cried and told me over and over that she promised she had not done those things. I told her that she needed to be sure and tell me the truth because everyone makes mistakes sometimes and that I wasn't mad at her but that I needed to know the truth. Let me just say this: Madeline has had a hard time adjusting. She is in a totally foreign environment with 2 different teachers and NOTHING in her little life is the same as it was a week ago. If she was the kind of kid who felt comfortable making a sassy face at a stranger in a new environment...to an adult...I would have known it before now. That is a serious accusation and I think that a kid that would do that on the fourth day of school would have some other big time behavioral issues going on.
Madeline does some socially awkward things. She makes strange faces when she is talked to sternly or in trouble. Like a surprised face but a silly surprised face. I knew this was what happened. So Thursday morning we went to talk to the teacher. I started out doing the best I could muster, "I'm so so sorry if Madeline misbehaved in the hall and we will work on that. And I am sorry if you thought she made a sassy face." I couldn't say (in front of Madeline) she makes an awkward face when she is in trouble. I hoped that me telling the teacher over and over what an affect this had had on Madeline and telling her that Madeline had never been in trouble at school before would make the teacher ease up a bit. But it didn't. She demonstrated the face (it was the exact face I knew it would be) and insisted that she was not incorrect and that other teachers had witnessed it too. Unbelievable. Madeline was so sad standing there listening to her and finally said, "I'm a sweet girl, I wouldn't do that, I'm a princess." SHE'S FIVE. SHE'S SCARED. I just rushed out with Madeline insisting to the teacher that she would work on the straight line thing (how ironic) and got Madeline to her seat before the pledge because she didn't want to get in trouble for missing it.
I came home sobbing (again) and called the principal to explain that I didn't mean any disrespect but that I was certain the teacher had just misunderstood Madeline's gesture. I didn't get the principal so I talked to the secretary and asked her to have the principal call me, that I was really distressed by the conversation and lo and behold I was told that I was wrong for taking Madeline with me by the secretary and I never heard from the principal. This is the second time I have attempted communication with her and gotten no response.
I wanted Madeline to see that if she felt wrongly accused of something that it was NOT okay for her to argue with a teacher but that I would always believe her as long as she told me the truth. I felt like that was a very important lesson for her to learn.
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to feel. I have looked into Montessori schools, home schooling, and searched every blog on every blog of all of my friend's blogs trying to find answers, hope, comfort, anything. I came across a blog listed on my friend's blog that had a title that sounded like it might be about kindergarten. The little girl was smiling in one picture. Her principal was hugging her in the next. Then the assistant principal. Then a picture of her hugging her music teacher. And a picture of her smiling and putting up her backpack with a friend she had made at an ice cream social in the summer where she met all of her teachers. The mom said that the first day of school the older students in high school had greeted the little ones as they walked into school with welcome signs and cheers. I lost it. I told Tyler that that is what I had hoped for Madeline...for her to feel welcomed and like she mattered. I just need to see SOMEBODY be kind to my baby. I need SOMEONE to assure me that she is taken care of. I need someone to tell me that they see how bright and kind she is. I cannot sit back and watch her little heart be sad or her spirit be crushed. I know she is not perfect. I KNOW she is not perfect. I don't think she is a princess above having to behave. I tell her every morning that the two most important things to me are that she treat others the way she would want to be treated and that she be sweet and kind.
Please do not post any negative or judgemental comments. I am doing the best I can. I am trying to be positive and I am trying to get used to this. It just seems unnatural. Every part of me is crying out to have her here with me. Back home where I know how she learns best. Where I know her uncomfortable faces. Where I know that someone will correct her with kindness and compassion explaining life's lessons to her with great care so that she will understand and not just obey.
Here are my hopes for this week: That the "keep our hands to ourselves, respect personal space, and do not get in any one's face to talk" conversations have sunk in. I hope that she has FUN. I hope that she stays in a straight line when she is at school. I hope she learns something new. And I hope I get some kind of communication this week from the school because asking me to accept NO communication, no updates, no schedule, no calender or weekly plan is asking too much of me. That's just the kind of Mom I am.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Conformity
We are on day three of the kindergarten experience. Last night was hard. The day started well...I had sent Madeline's teacher a couple of text messages on the first day offering to come and help in the classroom on the mornings that I send Tucker to MDO. To my delight she texted me at 10 p.m. Monday night that she would love it if I would help out Tuesday morning. It was killing me to not know Madeline's schedule and routine there. This is a new adventure that she is experiencing without me, and I'm kind of having a hard time.
I took Madeline to school and told her I'd be back and I got there at about 9:15. Her teacher has WONDERFUL creative ideas. I put the rest of the school supplies away and then I got to have a sneak peek at her latest decorations for her "super star" theme. On the first day of school she had dressed up each kid in old-timey movie star costumes and had taken their picture. The she sent the pictures off to be enlarged to 8x10 and converted to black and white. They are amazing! I was in charge of "framing" each of them with a border so she could hang them up. Madeline was great. Even though I was there she paid attention to her teacher and behaved very well. I was proud of her and proud of all of them! I can't believe how well they all seem to adjust to this completely new environment!
Her teacher did go over the rules of the classroom. But in an interactive way- having them use hand motions and repeat the rules with her. Tyler says he is certain that all of the teachers are really hammering in the rules this week so that they can set expectations for the kids. This is where we have a problem...
Monday and Tuesday night Madeline has kind of had an attitude problem in the evenings. Dinner time and bed time have been trying and frustrating. Last night I had my back to her cleaning up her dinner and lecturing her about something (I can't remember) and when I turned around she was mimicking me, making an ugly face and using her hand to make the "blah blah blah" motions- you know what I mean?? Like talking with her hand? I was MAD. I asked her where she had learned that and she said from a Barbie movie. I told her that that was SO RUDE and that I never wanted to see her do that ever again or else she wouldn't be allowed to watch those movies. I'm saying all of this as she is following me to the bathroom for a bath and when I turn around she has totally crumpled up and is crying silently. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks! She's TIRED! She's EXHAUSTED! She's OVERWHELMED! Even 5 year-olds have bad days sometimes and here I was lecturing her and on her butt all night with my rules after she had spent her second day at school being informed of all of the school rules in a totally foreign environment. I pulled her to me and told her that that behavior was not okay and that I was pretty sure it had probably been a "bad" character in a Barbie movie that she saw acting that way. She confirmed that it was and said she wouldn't do it again. But then I just held her while she cried and told me how hard it was to listen to rules all day and that she just missed "being home with her Mommy and the comforts of home."
I held her for a long time, gave her a bath and then read to her, she asked me to rock her and sing to her so I did, and we visited for a bit before her Daddy came in to read. I just had to breathe, get over my stuff and my rules, and just let her unwind and be her little 5 year old self. She needs some silly time to blow off steam. Most nights and mornings I am frustrated when she is goofy while I'm brushing her teeth but last night she made funny faces and this morning she was an "Opera singing ballerina" during teeth brushing and we just giggled and giggled. I promised her that every weekend would be rule free weekends and she could wear whatever she wanted to (not wearing pink or a tiara to school has been frustrating to her) and that we would just be as carefree as we could be.
This is going to be a really long post but I have to get this all out of my head and written down so feel free to quit reading but I have a little rant now...
It donned on me last night that school is about learning- which I am fine with and appreciate- but it is also about conformity. Teaching kids to conform to rules, dress codes, and behaviors that are acceptable in society. I have beaten myself up so many times in the last week and a half for having a big fight with Madeline the night of kindergarten orientation because she wanted to wear a tiara there. She was in tears about it and I was still telling her no! WHY? Why do I sweat the small stuff? Do I want her to feel societal pressure to be just like everyone else? Absolutely not. There have been many times when she has gone out with me dressed in some interesting things and I could not be more proud of her because she DOES NOT CARE. So why did I?
I always wanted to be genuinely different and cool and have the courage to just be myself throughout school. I was always more comfortable when I had a friend that would be my "twin" for the day and we would wear matching outfits. I never felt comfortable standing out as unique or being an individual. Then I met my best friend Lindsey. I remember her in the 9th grade wearing a long tie-dyed peasant skirt and she had a short bob that she parted near the middle and she wore cool glasses. She looked so different and cool and comfortable in her skin. I wanted to be just like her. :-) We became the best of friends then and started shopping at thrift stores. I remember one day standing in a check-out line at Steinmart with Mom and the woman behind us was making a face at what I was wearing. Mom kind of made a joke at my expense laughing about the fact that she'd be happy to buy me clothes there but that I chose to get my wardrobe at the salvation army instead. I remember getting into the car with Mom and telling her that that woman judging me didn't hurt at all, but that Mom making an apology to her for my appearance did. That it was that woman that should have been ashamed, not me. Mom and I both had an ah-ha moment and she told me I was right. Mom shouldn't have worked to make the woman feel comfortable in that uncomfortable situation. That woman had the problem, not me.
So I'm having a hard time with this conformity thing at school. With the rules. Madeline told me she was "sick of rules in (her) life." I get it. She's 5. She doesn't want to walk in a straight line at everyone else's pace. She's not a straight line kind of girl. Never has been. She'd rather wonder off to find a flower to pick and give to her Mommy. I know that she has to learn that there are rules and schedules that we have to follow in the real world but 5 is awfully early isn't it? My kindergarten experience was in the early eighties and was a much more "free to be you and me" kind of place. So, I have decided to be an ever-vigilant protector of Madeline's individual personality. She is quite the individual. Her soul is precious- full of wonder, rainbows, princesses, unicorns, fairy tales and magic. I want it to stay that way as long as possible. So...rule-free weekends (to an extent). Maybe some day she'll grow up to be as cool as her Aunt Lindsey. She's got a good shot at it.
I took Madeline to school and told her I'd be back and I got there at about 9:15. Her teacher has WONDERFUL creative ideas. I put the rest of the school supplies away and then I got to have a sneak peek at her latest decorations for her "super star" theme. On the first day of school she had dressed up each kid in old-timey movie star costumes and had taken their picture. The she sent the pictures off to be enlarged to 8x10 and converted to black and white. They are amazing! I was in charge of "framing" each of them with a border so she could hang them up. Madeline was great. Even though I was there she paid attention to her teacher and behaved very well. I was proud of her and proud of all of them! I can't believe how well they all seem to adjust to this completely new environment!
Her teacher did go over the rules of the classroom. But in an interactive way- having them use hand motions and repeat the rules with her. Tyler says he is certain that all of the teachers are really hammering in the rules this week so that they can set expectations for the kids. This is where we have a problem...
Monday and Tuesday night Madeline has kind of had an attitude problem in the evenings. Dinner time and bed time have been trying and frustrating. Last night I had my back to her cleaning up her dinner and lecturing her about something (I can't remember) and when I turned around she was mimicking me, making an ugly face and using her hand to make the "blah blah blah" motions- you know what I mean?? Like talking with her hand? I was MAD. I asked her where she had learned that and she said from a Barbie movie. I told her that that was SO RUDE and that I never wanted to see her do that ever again or else she wouldn't be allowed to watch those movies. I'm saying all of this as she is following me to the bathroom for a bath and when I turn around she has totally crumpled up and is crying silently. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks! She's TIRED! She's EXHAUSTED! She's OVERWHELMED! Even 5 year-olds have bad days sometimes and here I was lecturing her and on her butt all night with my rules after she had spent her second day at school being informed of all of the school rules in a totally foreign environment. I pulled her to me and told her that that behavior was not okay and that I was pretty sure it had probably been a "bad" character in a Barbie movie that she saw acting that way. She confirmed that it was and said she wouldn't do it again. But then I just held her while she cried and told me how hard it was to listen to rules all day and that she just missed "being home with her Mommy and the comforts of home."
I held her for a long time, gave her a bath and then read to her, she asked me to rock her and sing to her so I did, and we visited for a bit before her Daddy came in to read. I just had to breathe, get over my stuff and my rules, and just let her unwind and be her little 5 year old self. She needs some silly time to blow off steam. Most nights and mornings I am frustrated when she is goofy while I'm brushing her teeth but last night she made funny faces and this morning she was an "Opera singing ballerina" during teeth brushing and we just giggled and giggled. I promised her that every weekend would be rule free weekends and she could wear whatever she wanted to (not wearing pink or a tiara to school has been frustrating to her) and that we would just be as carefree as we could be.
This is going to be a really long post but I have to get this all out of my head and written down so feel free to quit reading but I have a little rant now...
It donned on me last night that school is about learning- which I am fine with and appreciate- but it is also about conformity. Teaching kids to conform to rules, dress codes, and behaviors that are acceptable in society. I have beaten myself up so many times in the last week and a half for having a big fight with Madeline the night of kindergarten orientation because she wanted to wear a tiara there. She was in tears about it and I was still telling her no! WHY? Why do I sweat the small stuff? Do I want her to feel societal pressure to be just like everyone else? Absolutely not. There have been many times when she has gone out with me dressed in some interesting things and I could not be more proud of her because she DOES NOT CARE. So why did I?
I always wanted to be genuinely different and cool and have the courage to just be myself throughout school. I was always more comfortable when I had a friend that would be my "twin" for the day and we would wear matching outfits. I never felt comfortable standing out as unique or being an individual. Then I met my best friend Lindsey. I remember her in the 9th grade wearing a long tie-dyed peasant skirt and she had a short bob that she parted near the middle and she wore cool glasses. She looked so different and cool and comfortable in her skin. I wanted to be just like her. :-) We became the best of friends then and started shopping at thrift stores. I remember one day standing in a check-out line at Steinmart with Mom and the woman behind us was making a face at what I was wearing. Mom kind of made a joke at my expense laughing about the fact that she'd be happy to buy me clothes there but that I chose to get my wardrobe at the salvation army instead. I remember getting into the car with Mom and telling her that that woman judging me didn't hurt at all, but that Mom making an apology to her for my appearance did. That it was that woman that should have been ashamed, not me. Mom and I both had an ah-ha moment and she told me I was right. Mom shouldn't have worked to make the woman feel comfortable in that uncomfortable situation. That woman had the problem, not me.
So I'm having a hard time with this conformity thing at school. With the rules. Madeline told me she was "sick of rules in (her) life." I get it. She's 5. She doesn't want to walk in a straight line at everyone else's pace. She's not a straight line kind of girl. Never has been. She'd rather wonder off to find a flower to pick and give to her Mommy. I know that she has to learn that there are rules and schedules that we have to follow in the real world but 5 is awfully early isn't it? My kindergarten experience was in the early eighties and was a much more "free to be you and me" kind of place. So, I have decided to be an ever-vigilant protector of Madeline's individual personality. She is quite the individual. Her soul is precious- full of wonder, rainbows, princesses, unicorns, fairy tales and magic. I want it to stay that way as long as possible. So...rule-free weekends (to an extent). Maybe some day she'll grow up to be as cool as her Aunt Lindsey. She's got a good shot at it.
Monday, August 15, 2011
First day of Kindergarten!
This morning I woke up super early to start our new day and new adventure. I cried and prayed while making coffee and told myself that that was it- no more crying. Madeline came into our room and snuggled up in our bed to watch cartoons like normal but it was not going to be a normal day. Tyler took Tucker to my parents' house and I got Madeline's lunch packed. I found a book about Kindergarten at B&N and the little girl, Sadie, in the book took almost exactly the same lunch to kindergarten as Madeline and I had decided on for her...this is Madeline's description: "A cheese sandwich, not grilled, mustard on both sides, and no crust." She also had sunchips, cookies, ritz crackers, an apple (no peel), capri sun, and princess snacks. I cut her sandwich into the shape of a heart.
I asked her to pose for these pictures and she said, "Mom, I really don't want to take pictures next to dead plants." I promised her I'd crop them out.
We got to her class a little late but we immediately were asked to sit on the carpet with our babies and her teacher read a book, The Kissing Hand. My friend Brandy who's little girl Mary Claire had Madeline's teacher last year warned me about this book so I bought it the other day and Madeline and I have been reading it every night. I still cried while she read it, prepared or not. But Madeline never saw me cry. Her teacher shot me one of those teacher looks like- STOP IT! I realized halfway through the book that I was squeezing her so hard. I really really didn't want to let her out of my lap.
We all drew "kisses" on their hands and then we were shooed away. I didn't like that and I lost it in the hall but then I remembered my biggest promise to Madeline and I ran back into the classroom. She HATES hand sanitizer. And if you know my Madeline you know that you do not ask her to deviate from her stance on a subject she feels strongly about- she'll chew you out all the time saying that her "Momma says so!" So I bought special hand sanitizing wipes for her and she made me promise to tell her teacher that she DID NOT have to use hand sanitizer. So I got that taken care of and left again. This time I felt better because when I went back into the room her wonderful teacher had the complete attention of the class- Madeline didn't even notice me come in! She had given them an assignment- to draw a picture of their favorite movie star. I asked Madeline who she was going to draw and she said, "My favorite movie star, Sleeping Beauty!"
The theme of her class is "Stars" like movie stars and shining stars. School stars. Her teacher had popcorn and little Oscar statues on their desks along with stars hanging from the ceiling. Madeline said that she thinks she got that trophy for being a kindergartner.
I asked her if there was any part of the day that she felt sad or nervous and she said that she missed Tyler and I when she was on the playground and didn't want to slide by herself or swing without us to push her. I asked her what she did if she didn't slide or swing and she said she, "took a deep breath in my heart- not a deep breath, but a deep breath in my heart" and went off to play something else.
She says she thinks she'll like Kindergarten but not PE, recess, or lunch because they rush her through those things. I'm trying to convince her that everything felt rushed because it was her first day. Except my day. My day was slow. I was ready to go get her at 1 and stalked the playground at 1:30. I spent my entire day thinking about her and wondering what she was doing and if she was okay. She was. I will be. But for now I still miss her. Can't wait for Labor Day.
I asked her to pose for these pictures and she said, "Mom, I really don't want to take pictures next to dead plants." I promised her I'd crop them out.
We got to her class a little late but we immediately were asked to sit on the carpet with our babies and her teacher read a book, The Kissing Hand. My friend Brandy who's little girl Mary Claire had Madeline's teacher last year warned me about this book so I bought it the other day and Madeline and I have been reading it every night. I still cried while she read it, prepared or not. But Madeline never saw me cry. Her teacher shot me one of those teacher looks like- STOP IT! I realized halfway through the book that I was squeezing her so hard. I really really didn't want to let her out of my lap.
We all drew "kisses" on their hands and then we were shooed away. I didn't like that and I lost it in the hall but then I remembered my biggest promise to Madeline and I ran back into the classroom. She HATES hand sanitizer. And if you know my Madeline you know that you do not ask her to deviate from her stance on a subject she feels strongly about- she'll chew you out all the time saying that her "Momma says so!" So I bought special hand sanitizing wipes for her and she made me promise to tell her teacher that she DID NOT have to use hand sanitizer. So I got that taken care of and left again. This time I felt better because when I went back into the room her wonderful teacher had the complete attention of the class- Madeline didn't even notice me come in! She had given them an assignment- to draw a picture of their favorite movie star. I asked Madeline who she was going to draw and she said, "My favorite movie star, Sleeping Beauty!"
The theme of her class is "Stars" like movie stars and shining stars. School stars. Her teacher had popcorn and little Oscar statues on their desks along with stars hanging from the ceiling. Madeline said that she thinks she got that trophy for being a kindergartner.
I asked her if there was any part of the day that she felt sad or nervous and she said that she missed Tyler and I when she was on the playground and didn't want to slide by herself or swing without us to push her. I asked her what she did if she didn't slide or swing and she said she, "took a deep breath in my heart- not a deep breath, but a deep breath in my heart" and went off to play something else.
She says she thinks she'll like Kindergarten but not PE, recess, or lunch because they rush her through those things. I'm trying to convince her that everything felt rushed because it was her first day. Except my day. My day was slow. I was ready to go get her at 1 and stalked the playground at 1:30. I spent my entire day thinking about her and wondering what she was doing and if she was okay. She was. I will be. But for now I still miss her. Can't wait for Labor Day.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
My wish
So tonight I wish that I could have back every moment that I felt overwhelmed, exasperated, frustrated, or spent wishing that I had time to "just be me- myself, alone, with my own brain."
If I had all of those minutes back I would have more time with you before you begin this adventure tomorrow. Because tonight I realize that I became me when I had you. I don't want to be anyone else or spend time doing anything else but being your Mommy. I am so so proud of you Madeline. You shine.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Our day
For as long as I can remember Madeline's favorite days have been "girl day girl day" or "home day home day." Girl day is when she and I get time together alone- without the boys.
This morning we dropped Tucker off to school. And I need to stop for a moment and document something here for Tucker. Tucker, your sister loves you so so much. Every morning she walks you into Mother's Day Out and pulls out your chair. She waits for you to sit down and she scoots you up to your snack. She kisses you on your head and ruffles your hair and tells you, "Bye!" And that she loves you. There has been ONE morning that I rushed her away from you and didn't give her time to kiss you. She cried all the way to her room so I let her go back and love on you. I was super late for work but it didn't matter. It is going to be so strange to not have her helping me take Tucker to school this Fall.
Back to girl day. We dropped off Tucker and set off for do-nuts. She wanted to go inside to eat so we sat there alone in the shop and visited. She wanted to know where the people who own the shop were from and she suspected that they were from China because "they have black hair." I told her she could ask them and they told her about Cambodia. We looked at the satellite map of Cambodia on my phone and they told her it was close to China. She was so excited that she was "kind of right." She heard them speaking to one another and told them that she only spoke 1 language because she was, "just a white person" and said that she was learning some French and Spanish. The "white person" comment required some discussion once we got in the car. She is noticing colors of skin and hair. I'm a "tanned-skin person" and she's a white person. I explained to her as best and as innocently as I could -trying not to make her feel bad- that people come from all over the world to live and work in America and that no matter what color skin someone has or what language they speak that once they move to America they just want to be called Americans.
Whew...the talking never stops and I never know what will come out of her mouth. I've never been embarrassed by anything she has said because I always know what she means but I do have to do some explaining sometimes. And Madeline's stories aren't short. If you ask her a question be prepared for an extended answer. If you don't have time to really listen to what she has to say then you just shouldn't talk to her. I feel bad when someone tries to rush her through an answer. She has so much to say and if you slow down and take the time to listen her responses are fascinating. I've thought about explaining to her that some people just want a short concise answer but I'm not going to. I think we should all slow down and really listen to what one another has to say. Madeline and I are starting a revolution.
On to shopping...I wanted to get her a new backpack but last night we had a LONG talk about wanting things versus needing things and I had just about lost it several times yesterday because of her always asking for things in a store...toys...clothes...whatever. I want her to be appreciative of what she has. So on the way to the store she said she would give her current backpack to someone less fortunate and I agreed to go and look at the new backpacks. She has a new princess backpack for kindergarten.
Then we went to get her school supplies. She was great. So sociable and sweet to everyone we met in the isles and little to no asking for things. We got everything we needed and had lunch together. She wanted me to color with her while we were waiting for our food and it was so nice to just sit there with her in the quiet and color. I had forgotten what Madeline is like. Madeline by herself not competing for attention with Tucker. She is so easy. Such an easy, kind, reasonable girl to love. I loved our day together. After lunch we went to pick up Tuck and we were so happy to get him back. They spent the entire afternoon chasing each other and playing.
It has been a great day.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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