A Challenge

A challenge is a challenge because it is hard. I signed up for a weight loss/ get healthy challenge almost 4 weeks ago. I have lost 4 or 5 lbs. so far. Not the stellar results I was hoping I would achieve but I am proud of myself nonetheless. It is a challenge.

What I am about to write are the facts. This is not a cop out and this is not a reason for any of you who love me to be concerned or feel like you need to help. I am fine- I am better in this moment, in this month, than I have been in a while. Life is getting easier every day and I am enjoying my children more and more.

Fact- pumping milk and nursing is near impossible. You have to nurse your child and then immediately pump so that you will have enough milk for the next feeding. I am at home with Tucker all day. I try to pump just enough milk so that if he has to get a bottle while I am at the grocery store or working out there will be one available. There is one bottle in the refrigerator right now. He is asleep and I am not waking him up to nurse. My grandmother is on her way over so that I can leave and go take pictures of one of our listings. I am praying that he will sleep the whole time I am gone so that she doesn't have to give him that bottle. I desperately want that bottle to be there tonight for Tyler so that I can go work out with friends. This is a challenge- always thinking three steps ahead.

Fact- My toilets are clean. I wouldn't come over and lick my cabinets in the kitchen because that is where the dog sleeps but you could feel free to lick the toilet. I am able to get one thing done per day right now...the bathrooms or the kitchen or vacuum or laundry put away or dust. That is all I have time for all day. One task. And it is interrupted 5 times. This is a challenge too.

Fact- Tucker doesn't sleep well during the day and does not sleep through the night without a feeding or 2. I am trying to find time to devise a plan, a system. I am trying to muster the energy to go to the trouble of putting him in his bed at night or not nursing him to sleep. No, I'm not trying, I am thinking about trying. This will be a challenge.

Fact- I love cooking for my family. I love when Tyler gets home at night and we have 4 hands for 2 children. I love telling him about the day and getting big hugs. I love watching he and Madeline play in the floor. I love giving Madeline her bath or being the one that gets to read to her before bedtime. Doing any of these things is a challenge when you are nursing because it is all in the timing.

Fact- I am 7lb.s away from fitting into all of my clothes and 12lbs. away from being happy with the way I look in my clothes.

Fact- Finding an hour to do anything by myself is a challenge and I'm sorry but I like to spend that hour watching a favorite show or cooking or playing with my kids or snuggling with my husband. I could get up an hour before my children and go work out but I hardly get any sleep as it is. I could run out the door as soon as Tyler gets home but the fact is I just don't want to.

I am sticking to the diet. I am drinking tons of water. My husband thinks I am pretty and my momma says I am beautiful. I am not going to add one more thing to my list of to dos right now. I'm just not going to bend over backwards and stress myself out to go work out right now. I will work out when I can. I will do what I can to be healthy but if the weight doesn't come off until after I finish nursing then that is just fine. Having this time with Tucker has been worth it.

I'm not slacking. I'm not giving up. I'm just saying that TODAY I decided that I am not a superwoman and I am okay with that. I am doing the best I can which is pretty good and I'm not going to feel bad or lack self worth because I didn't lose my baby weight in 3 months like Jessica Alba. I am chomping on a protein bar and cursing Jessica Alba. She needs to send her Nanny and Trainer and Housekeeper to me free of charge. I challenge her to do it.