Madeline auditioned to perform in this years Ballet Arkansas performance of The Nutcracker. I knew that it would be a commitment, and other than dance class on Fridays and her regular school load we don't have many commitments, so I was sure we could take this on. And we have- for the most part. I have been so proud of Madeline. Rehearsal has been every Saturday and she has gone without complaining and seemed to really hear me the time that we did have to talk about it and I explained to her what a privilege it was to be able to participate and share the stage with such amazing talent. She has had to miss a few birthday parties but even then she did not complain.
This week has been the final week. It's all kind of a blur but I think that we had 2 rehearsals last weekend, staging and spacing at Robinson Center on Tuesday evening, dress rehearsal there on Thursday evening, and her first performance was yesterday morning for the schools. This week I thought we could do it all. But Tuesday night her rehearsal started at 5:30 and my hope was that by some miracle we would be out by 6 and that that would give us enough time to make it to her school Christmas concert. We didn't make it. We left rehearsal at 8. Madeline was starving and I thought purple cow might make her feel better. While we were there I asked her if she was disappointed about having to miss her school concert and if she had had a solo.
She started sobbing right there in the booth. She told me that she had forgotten to tell me that she had been chosen to read her letter to Santa at the performance. That her music teacher and Mrs. Papp were counting on her to be there. I started crying too. So we just held each other for a few minutes and I told her I was so very sorry that I had had no idea and that we would have skipped rehearsal had I known. I sent her teacher a text asking for a copy of her Santa letter and we recorded Madeline performing all of her songs when we got home. But it just felt like such a failure to not have gotten her there. Madeline got ready for bed but I couldn't shake the feeling.
When she got her pajamas on she came back into the living room where I was sitting and looking at all of the pictures our friends had posted of the concert. I told Madeline that I was still so upset about having missed it.
Now, this is why I love Madeline down to my soul. I love her so much that love doesn't feel like an adequate expression. She IS my soul. Madeline said (while hugging me), "It's okay Mommy. We did the best we could. We had to be at Nutcracker rehearsal, you sent Mrs. Papp a message asking for my Santa letter, and you let me perform for you and Daddy and Tucker. It's going to be okay."
And it has "all been okay." Madeline has been a trooper. Yesterday at her school performance she was a pro. Her performance was perfect. I was afraid she was going to be concerned because she wouldn't be able to find me in the audience. I wouldn't be in my usual spot. She did pop out and immediately look for me and I could see a little concern on her face but then she jumped right back into her role and smiled and did her part perfectly. I'll post about how amazing it has been to participate in this show later but for now I just wanted to make sure I documented another moment in time when Madeline's precious little heart saved me. I am so blessed to be her Mommy.
No comments:
Post a Comment