So we all have bad days. She is feeling frustrated. Like she is putting forth effort but seeing no rewards for her efforts. I'm in sales. I can totally relate. Putting forth your best all the time and not seeing rewards or even worse- getting judged by the one wrong thing you do rather than praised for the 100 great things you do sucks. It happens all the time and it sucks. I needed to remind myself of that tonight with Madeline. She got in big trouble at school today. For behavior that I see at home when she is acting out. Needing attention. Bratty behavior. I talked to her about it after school, with her Daddy when he got home and again during dinner. Then she picked a couple of fights with Tucker and screamed and kicked and behaved badly when she was asked to get ready for bed. She finally DID get ready for bed and I decided I needed to just sit and talk with her and figure out what was going on. She crumpled. One of those pitiful melt downs reserved for when she is really hurting. Really sad. She told me a lot of things but what it all boils down to is that she wishes she were being rewarded more for the good she does. Well, in her words, "It's just that life isn't fair." I explained that it would be better to turn that statement around and say instead, "I would like to be rewarded more for my good behavior." And she wants to make sure Tucker isn't getting any more face time with T and I during the week than she is. I get that too.
It was a great talk. We had taken away stories tonight because of her bad behavior but after our talk I told her that if she was certain that a couple of rewards would cause her behavior to continue to IMPROVE that I would be happy to read her a story to help her understand that Daddy and I are proud of her all the time and proud of her behavior most of the time. My smart girl decided on a book that has 2 stories in it. One written for Daddy to read "I love you Daddy" and one written for Mommy to read "I love you Mommy." So, she got two stories, time with Mommy and Daddy, and lots of hugs and a few extra minutes of our day to just sit and listen.
I'm writing this post as a reminder to myself to just listen sometimes. That my kids are not just my kids. They are little people. My friend Tandee said one time that she has a hard time remembering that her daughter is just a little person. That kids have bad days just like we do. I also took time to explain to Madeline that her Daddy and I hate to take away stories because of bad behavior. That T and I look forward to having that special time with just Madeline every night. I explained that when we ask her to get ready for bed that it is not to be mean, it is because we want to have plenty of time to spend a few minutes alone with her. Just us. She got it- I hope.
Madeline has always been a better child when rewarded for good rather than reprimanded and punished for bad. I know this about her. She has been mine for nearly 6 years. It is hard to stay in that mindset all the time though. I get tired. Or just lazy or exhausted from the day. But I am going to try and remember that she comes home exhausted from the day too. And if she has had a rough day at school with very little positive reinforcement that I am bound to deal with her acting out at home. Praying for patience and for empathy.
My pictures were captured during approximately 3 seconds of the total 5 minutes of the really good behavior that we saw in the 4 hours a day that we get to see our girl during the school week. 4-8. That's it. I'm having a hard time lately. I feel like a surly middle schooler. She has been in kindergarten for 100 days now. I think that's enough. I really do. I'm having a harder and harder time getting motivated to get up and get her to school and a harder and harder time feeling as serious about the work as I know I am supposed to. Tucker pointed out our empty community center pool to me on the way to take him to school this morning. I can't wait for summer. I miss my kiddos so much. Ready for some down time.
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