Some stuff...

Tonight I made brownies. They were just a mix but I put at least a cup of pureed carrots in them and YUM! They are the best brownies ever. I don't love cake because of its fluffy and mealy texture but I love a good, dense, chewy brownie and these were great. The carrots made them smooth...

Tucker has been loving his first homemade veggie- butternut squash. Tonight we tried pureed carrots and he HATED them- thus the carrot brownies.

Tucker can also sit up by himself! Tonight he was determined to get his hands on Madeline's princess Belle. I'd give her to him and Madeline would take her away. He would huff and puff and scream until she gave her back. Tyler set Belle in Tucker's lap and he just sat there on his own playing with her and chewing on her head. He's so grown up (the sitting up part is grown up- not the chewing on her head part).

Last night Tyler, Tucker and I went to Red Lobster (mmmm) and I saw a little girl who was about 15 months old and looked a lot like Madeline looked at that age. I started crying. It is heartbreaking to watch your babies grow up. I love Madeline now. I love how smart she is, how insightful, how sneaky and mischievous she can be, I love her sense of humor and I love her dingbat moments. But it is hard. It is hard to rock Tucker to sleep every night and feel his weight in my arms and not think about Madeline when she was his age. And it was a second ago. There is no way it was 2 and a half years ago. Babies grow up too fast.

Mom always said she rejoiced in each new phase I would enter growing up and that just when she thought I couldn't be any more fun, I would turn another year older and there would be a whole new set of things to love. That's pretty sweet. I feel the same way about Mad. She becomes more and more of a companion to me. A friend and this smart little person that I am determined to raise thoughtfully and carefully.

Tonight when I tucked her in I sang her the song that I sang to her every day when she was an infant. She loves for me to sing it to her. It's "Close to You" by The Carpenters. Madeline calls it her "bird song." When she was tiny I started singing it to her but also to myself as a way to convince myself to share her with other people. She was born a month early and she seemed so tiny to me. She was so delicate and new. In my postpartum haze I had a REALLY hard time allowing other people to hold her and pass her around. So I would sing "just like me, they long to be, close to you..." and I could share. It calmed me. My heart was always racing but I could be still and calm singing that to myself and to her in our private, quiet, moments, when I was holding and rocking her. It's our song. It has been our secret song, until now. But when I was 9 months pregnant with Tucker I moved my rocking chair back into her room and rocked her every night. We'd sing our song together and one night she told me that I could sing it to Tucker when he came out of my belly. And I do sometimes. I remember every song my Mom sang to me growing up. I even remember things she would always hum- songs that I don't know the words to- I hope my kids remember the songs I sing them.

I don't think we are going to have any more babies...so, now I will revel in the two I have. I will try and soak up every moment because now I know that you go from rocking a six month old to rocking a three year old in the shortest tiny little itty bitty snippet of time.