Funk

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. Christmas is always bitter sweet for us (my mom, dad, grandmother, and I) because there is always a little sadness with any of the happiness of the season. We will always miss my brother Lou and my nephew Luke. This year Aunt Lila passed away at 100 years old. She has always been an important fixture in my life. A family member that I took for granted would always be there. I loved her very much and her loss was so sad for all of us- but goodness, she was 100. She had a very long and full life. I miss my best friend's mom's best friend Nancy. And I feel the sadness of the loss of Nancy for Diane every year. I can't imagine losing my best friend. Now we've lost Grandma and although I know that all of these wonderful people are "in a better place" I can't help but feel selfish and miss them and wish I could have more time with every one of them. Because there is always something you wish you would've said, something you wish you had done, or some way you wish you could have let them know how much they meant to you.

So this time of year always turns into a time of re-evaluation for me. Am I happy? Am I doing the most with my life? Am I making others' lives better by being in it? Am I being a good friend, wife, mother, daughter? Am I making sure that I am taking the opportunities in my life to make sure that the people that I love know I love them?

My answer is no. I fail. I try and fail every day but I am striving to try harder. To be a better mom, a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter. So here are some things I want to do...

I want to be better about using coupons and grocery shopping. My husband is all consumed by finance (it's his job). I want to make our personal finances take up less of his brain space. It makes him happy when I save us money. I seriously think it's his love language. I haven't read that book but is there a "don't spend money" love language?

I want to talk to my closest friends at least once a week. I want to make time to really talk to them and not just check their fb status or blog.

I want to feed mom and dad once a week. I want to spend time with them other than at work. We don't do that enough. I love my mom and dad and I miss them even though we talk nearly every day.

I want to paint with Madeline. I want to really get my painting supplies down, get out my easel, and paint with her. I think she would love it.

I want to play more choo choo trains with Tucker. I want Tyler and I to REALLY put together the giant train set Santa got him for Christmas and I want to make time to play with him.

So, that's the beginning. I have goals. Hopefully we will have another family snow day tomorrow and I can get started on them.