2009, Barbies, and Other Stuff

2009 started with this little precious angel named Madeline that was cute and short and chubby. She was agreeable and kind. I wished that everyone could have a child as perfect as mine. At Wal-Mart or Target I only had to avoid the baby doll isle. On any other isle compromise was possible and a simple "not today" was all that was required. On the baby doll isle there was screaming and crying. Not ugly, spoiled, fit-throwing crying but the sobbing of a two year old "mama" leaving her babies behind. If delusional I thought I could make it down the baby doll isle only purchasing one baby (under $3), Madeline would wail giving Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice a run for her Oscar. And it wasn't just at discount stores. At Cracker Barrel if Madeline got loose she would gather up every baby doll in sight in less than 30 seconds. And that's the thing. They always put the baby dolls in the sight of the two year olds. At their eye level.

Christmas 2008 was especially amusing. At a Christmas service in my husband's home town Madeline became obsessed with the baby Jesus figurine in the Nativity display. She held him throughout the service and had to be dragged out of church while screaming "BABY JESUS!!! BABY JESUS!!!" after having to return him to his Manger. I felt kind of proud. Like I had done an especially good job raising a two year old that REALLY loved Jesus. She does...but at the time it was more about the "baby" part than it was the "Jesus" part. Well, here is the difference between 2009 and 2010 or I guess, really, here is the difference between Christmas 2008 and Christmas 2009...I moved my shopping for Madeline to the other side of the isle. And it breaks my heart.

At almost every store the baby dolls are on one side of the isle and the barbie dolls are on the other. I fought the barbie doll thing for so long. Really fought. Fought with Madeline, fought with my mom, fought with myself, and fought my fight with anyone that would listen. "Barbie dolls are a gross misrepresentation of women." That was the basis of my fight. Still is. I don't want Madeline to grow up placing so much importance on beauty. I want her to understand that there is so much more to being a woman. Women are amazing and beautiful for so many reasons- so many more than the two reasons portrayed by barbie- the two insanely large protrusions from her otherwise stick thin figure. We give life. We grow life. We are a vessel that carries a miracle. Our bodies change. They change A LOT over the course of a girl's life and at every turn girls are shown this unrealistic ideal that they are supposed to live up to. Starting at age 3 (with barbie) then throughout adolescence and puberty through films and magazine ads. But, these are my issues. Not Madeline's. This is what I had to realize when she started asking for "princess barbies." So I have had to reel it in (I just deleted a 2 paragraph tangent) and take it upon myself to educate her about the real beauty in being a woman. I felt like she just loved them because they were beautiful but once I started making myself actually sit down and play barbies with her I realized that she felt very maternal towards her barbies too (like she had her baby dolls). She also plays with them just like she did her little princess figurines- they dance with their princes and last night she made the princes wait at the dance because the barbies wanted to go the library and read books ( I was so proud).

Now, I'm not saying that I'm not superficial. I love clothes and getting my toes done and shoes and dressing up and all of the external silly fun stuff that comes along with being a "girl." I love having a girl that loves playing dress up. I love to go out wearing crowns (yes, both of us). I love my Madeline (even my spoiled fit throwing 3 year old Madeline) and I am learning to love her barbies.

I have to work a little harder on my end. If I'm going to talk the talk I've got to walk the walk. I caught myself saying to my especially impressionable preteen niece- "Wow, you look really pretty and skinny!" I could have said so many other wonderful things about her- like how fun she is and that I love what an individual she is. That I admire that she loves to read books and that she is becoming a great little actress. So that is my hope for myself and for my daughter and for our society in general for the sake of all of our daughters- that we start paying the MOST attention to the "other stuff." Besides, time catches up with us all. I don't care if you are a 70 year old with the body of a 50 year old. If you are blessed with good enough health to get you to 98 you will probably be a 98 year old with the body of a 98 year old and by then all of the superficial falls away (and has probably fallen down). The beauty OF you is the beauty IN you. I know, I have an especially beautiful 98 year old Aunt.

And, I am going to try really hard to stop buying gossip magazines. I sit around comparing myself to the women in them and the magazines sit around the house waiting for Madeline to get old enough to start doing the same thing. I told my girlfriends that I was going to start subscribing to National Geographic instead. I don't care who you are- at some point in your life your body will start to look a whole lot more National Geographic and a whole lot less Playboy.
The end. Happy New Year.