It is 10:35 p.m., I am working on my 37th week of pregnancy, I am sleepy, and I have no CLUE how to do this, but I decided that it was a good time to start blogging. Today I have felt this sense of urgency. I have been on the brink of tears at least 10 times and I have cried one good time. I need to share.
Our family came down from Bradford and over from Little Rock today to visit with us (saving me from 2 uncomfortable hour long car rides and fear of going into labor out of town). We had a great afternoon and evening but I couldn't help feeling...I don't know...not sad...I guess sentimental is the best word for it. Madeline LOVES her family. She loves her cousins. Her family loves her so much. She is so blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents who adore her and dote over her.
Watching her today with everyone's undivided attention was so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. I keep thinking...her life is about to change forever. Mom says that I am giving her the most wonderful gift that a mother can give her child- a sibling to share life with- I agree but at the same time I am anxious about how much things are about change.
For almost 3 perfect, sticky sweet, unbelievably pleasant years she has been our baby. It has been just the 3 of us. She has been a wonderful child. She made having a baby easy and every day since then enriching and fun. She is my best friend and my first love. There were so many moments today when I thought about the joy on her face and looked around at the adoration of the people around her and felt so happy. I want her to be happy about having a little brother. I want her to still feel like "the most popular girl in the room."
I wish I could have recorded the moments...her dancing around the room and everyone clapping...and tonight, after dinner, her Daddy wanted to stop for ice cream. Madeline got hers in a cup- her own cup to hold by herself in the back seat with her own spoon, no one feeding her or helping her. When we pulled into the garage and Tyler opened her door she was sitting there with her feet propped up on the driver's seat in front of her, legs crossed at the ankles, leaned back in her seat and sucking down that ice cream as happy as could be. She was on top of the world. I want to freeze these moments but there are too many in a day.
I thought it was important to start this blog BEFORE Tucker comes...to mark the significance of my last few weeks (days?) with Madeline, just Madeline. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited about the impending arrival of our baby boy and I cannot even describe how blessed I feel to have had such a healthy and easy pregnancy, but this is different. I am making room to love someone new while still entirely in love with this little girl who captured my heart...
So, Madeline, thank you. Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for teaching me how to love. Thank you for showing me that life is about miracles and blessings. You are my miracle. You are my blessing. I love you.
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and now i'm crying again. i read this last night and cried. and now...it's 9 in the morning...and i'm crying again.
ReplyDeletei'm so excited you're doing this!
can't wait to see you tomorrow!
Let me just say that I know how you feel. This brought back many memories for me. Hugs! Very nice blog by the way! I need to figure out how to do one.. I have had many people ask me to work on it.
ReplyDeletecrying too... i love your blog and i love how you are sharing so honestly. You are already doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteokay allie sue. time to post another one. i'm ready....:)
ReplyDeleteand since i am too scared to see you for a solid two weeks...please update this everyday. with pictures.
i guess i could come over and stand outside in your front yard...and you could just stand in the dining room, turn to the side and i could see tucker. i can just see madeline looking at you, then outside at me and then back and forth...thinking that we were crazy. hilarious.